Suffering to Get Well-Life Paradox

EVER WONDERED-"DO I HAVE A PROBLEM?"

If you’ve ever wondered if you have a problem with alcohol, sex, drugs, food, gambling or other such issues, the simple answer is "yes you do".

Did it ever strike, people who don’t have a problem know they don’t. They don’t have to question. Those who ask themselves if they do, particularly when the question crosses their minds on more than one occasion; DO.

I know this from personal experience.

If you have a problem then there is a major next step. It’s called acceptance.

Once you accept you have a problem, you have tough choices; to ignore it and hope it goes away or that you can fix yourself OR to get help and deal with the problem head on.

If you are facing problems due to your own behaviours OR the behaviours of loved ones, and it is causing your life to be unmanageable, please feel free to get in touch. I have been working with others successfully for decades and may be able to put you on the right track with no obligation. (Keith Bray, www.hopeserenity.ca). Living and addiction help in Canada and globally.

LIFE IS HARD-GOT RESILIENCE?

There's a vital living asset that almost never gets talked about, because it's so hard to define. You could call it reserves, staying power, bandwidth - or resilience. Examples of resilience might be:
When your computer crashes, you know who to call to help you recover.
When your projects don’ materialize even though you worked hard to promote them, you focus on the lessons that will help you succeed at the next one.
When something just isn't working, you get twice as interested in how to make it work.

When you go it alone to achieve major life change and do not succeed, you know when and where to reach out for help.
Whether you can define it or not, you can cultivate resilience. And you'll be glad you did.

The Importance of Being Resilient!
Almost everyone alive will get pushed to their limits, not once but many times. Face it; "Life Is Tough" (Rule 1 in living) is hard.
If it was easy, everyone living their dreams and have full self-love.
To a large extent, the ones who succeed will be the ones who are the most resilient - the ones who can go to their limit and find that they still have something more in reserve. The one's that put their resistance in "check" and move forward through it until they become free of it and experience the fruits of their labour.

Life's not fair and some people have been given a stronger constitution than others. But as always, the more interesting part is the part that is in your control. What are you doing to build
your resilience today?

Building resilience requires practice. The best time to do it is daily. You're the best judge of what works for you, but here are three steps that help:

Have great resources at your fingertips: Follow the GPS to your personal strengths and grow your self confidence one-methodical step and a time! The tools can be learned – you need to produce the follow-through. How badly do you want a life you love living?
Get good sleep, good nutrition, and good exercise.
Count your blessings: Notice how, after a setback, you keep going. End each day by acknowledging what you got out of it, whether that is the main story or the "silver lining". Gratitude is the foundation of prosperity thinking.

Do you have a favourite way to cultivate resilience? Or another quality that is as crucial in your life? Use all the resources you have to make your dream come true. It's all up you. (

www.hopeserenity.ca acknowledges The Art and Science of Coaching)

THE SMALL QUIET VOICE

I know today that there is a small quiet voice inside of me. I have learned to listen to it. Have you?

I love listening to and studying Eckhart Tolle. In his works, he puts into words things that I had come to understand as I made major changes in my life. Within each of us there are two forces at play. One is at the forefront, things we have learned through living and are programmed into our day to day life. For some, this programming is healthy. For others like me, the programming became unhealthy through the environment I lived in. Tolle really dwells at length on this duality with each of us.

The "small quiet voice" has existed in me since birth. As life unfolded, I learned how to suppress it and make those uncomfortable feeling of right and wrong- of conscience- remain buried deep inside. I acted on selfish desires that met my desires and helped me to present a "self" I thought the world wanted to see.

As this trend continued, my feelings of true self-love, serenity, hope for the future and more gradually declined. While I may have appeared happy on the outside, I did not like the life that was going on within my own skin.

I hit a bottom that was low enough to move me to change. I got the help I needed to show me a path to change, and made "directed" discoveries that allowed me to make change and move forward.

For the past 16 years, my contact with this small quiet voice inside-call it consciousness, higher power or heart- has constantly increased. No surprise, I am told by those closest to me that I have made major changes in how I face life and today I am comfortable in my own skin. I know hope and I know serenity on a daily basis. I appreciate I am not perfect, but have learned to love the man I am.

My coaching mentor, Dr. Randin Brons, published a "quote only" Idea Engineer recently. I invite you to read it.

I AM RESPONSIBLE

I am responsible for me and my actions because I have freedom of choice! A hard lesson to accept and learn.

FRIDAY THE 13th-Gratitude

Just a little rambling today! It's been a tough week at the old ranch and with the most important human in my life. Tough through circumstances, not my actions.

Today is a great day (as is every day) to feel gratitude!

We have had a minor crisis occur. In my life long past and pre life recovery, I likely would have gone nuts and vented overtly at people who were just doing their job. My beloved crashed, I was glad to be able to stay in the moment, let things happen and calmly take action. This included just supporting, not trying to control or vent at "the boss".

I am truly grateful for the tools that I have learned along the road of life recovery and importantly, for concious contact with a power greater than me that always has, and still reside, within. I am grateful that I found this power through a major change in attitude. Friday the 13th has been a good day and that will continue based on my making good choices!

Each day I have to focus on gratitude for things that DO happen each day. There is far too much negativity in this world and in the environments I occupy space in. A wise Newfie (a Canadian thing) once shared a saying with me (a good story-contact me and I'll share) - he said, "Boy, laugh or cry; the price is the same". Positive or negative, grateful or depressed-daily choices we all have to make.

As you read this Friday the 13th note, see if you can relate. If you can, and want to be coached to an attitude adjustment, drop me a line! The start is free! (www.hopeserenity.ca). Take the time to be conciously grateful for something today!

ARE YOU IN DENIAL? (or Swimming in the NILE)

Ahh, that old line, denial is not a river in Egypt! Ever think about what you’re in denial about?

I spent many years denying some major issues. I drank and drugged too much, I used mood altering behaviours (with other people) to escape reality and likely several other things! My family and those close to me were in denial; denial about the life they lived as a direct result of my behaviour and a false belief that how we lived was normal. Our family had many secrets.

My actions not only hurt me, but hurt those I cared the most about, and denying this caused a huge problem for many!

Statistics tell us that at least 10% of the population suffers from addiction. The average household still sits at about 4 people. Funny then, about 1/3 of the population or more are directly impacted by addiction, yet how many admit it and take action to do something about it?

My own family and I are living proof of what happens when a cycle is not broken.

Professionally I work with others. Working with addicted people is the tip of the iceberg in the coaching niche I work in. It is pretty obvious when people have an addiction. It makes it easier for them to escape denial when things get bad enough.

Recently, I have been working with more and more people who are members of the group who have been adversely affected by addiction and abuse. Most of these people are good people leading a decent life and who truly believe themselves to be helpers. To a certain extent they are "victims". It’s amazing to see how people who have lived with addicted and/or dysfunctional families are attracted to similar people. (Again, I look at my own situation). The tragic thing is that most of these people live in deep denial; after all, they don’t have an obvious problem; just a great deal of unhappiness. They lose themselves in the world they live, particularly those who are prone to put others overtly and consciously ahead of themselves and who want things to look normal and/or perfect.

For this group, overcoming denial is difficult!

I invite you, the reader, to look deeply into my favourite tool; a mirror. Do you see a happy and content person in the mirror OR is there something you are in denial about? You don’t have to be an addict or abuser to be made unhappy.

We all have choices available to us. Overcoming denial and seeking help is a BIG first step to getting the life you deserve. This is followed by taking major action.

Look at your life. Are you in denial or is "De Nile" truly a river in Egypt? (www.hopeserenity.ca)

OPEN ABOUT PROBLEMS?

Many of us lived　in situations where it wasn't okay to identify, have, or talk about problems. Denial became a way of life - our way of dealing with problems.

When working with others in recovering a life you want and transforming to a new way of life, many still fear problems. We continue to react or deny problems; we do not delve in to the cause! To be able to admit and deal with problems on a daily basis is truly a gift; and a skill that can be learned.

The process of co-creative life recovery focuses on learning how to clearly identify and deal with problems. A first step is to make sure the problem is ours; that it does not belong to someone else. If it belongs to them, we set a boundary and place the problem where it belongs; if it is ours we may set a goal, ask for help, gather information, take action or just let go of the problem.

In going through life recovery, we learn to not worry about problems that may happen. When problems to come up and they will, we will have the tools and resources necessary to deal with them!

Life recovery in my belief has a spiritual (not religious) component. In understanding and fully engaging in the process, you will be able to deal with situations intuitively that used to baffle you! You will deal with life on life’s terms free of denial.

Pay attention to your emotions

Many of us believe that we need to keep a tight lid on our emotions. We fear that if we ever allow these emotions to be expressed, they will do serious damage.

But if we summon up the courage to truly feel our emotions, we discover that they don't last. The monster in the closet turns out to be a pussycat. In fact, if we are willing to experience our emotions completely, without resistance of any kind, they burn themselves out in only a few minutes.

The only thing that keeps emotions alive within you over long periods is your unwillingness to acknowledge them.

"By starving emotions we become humorless, rigid and stereotyped; by repressing them we become literal, reformatory and holier-than-thou; encouraged, they perfume life; discouraged, they poison it." -- Joseph Collins

This piece comes from my coaching mentor Dr. Randin Brons in his "Idea Engineer" and was made real through a client meeting I had this past weekend and my own "remembers when’s" that were triggered.

When I hit a wall at 46, I certainly had all kinds of emotions; emotions I could not clearly identify or deal with. I found ways to escape them and most were personally destructive.

Learning how to identify and deal with emotions was a learned skill; learned through working with trained professionals. It was as if a whole new world opened up to me and I can smile today as I think back to those early days when I sat my family around the table and said things like "what colour do you feel?" to them! behaviour!

Today, I can identify emotions and feelings, welcome and accept them, and deal with them in a healthy way. Life is far more balanced and fun today, and in dealing with my emotions in a healthy fashion, it is far easier to avoid mood altering substances and

CART BEFORE HORSE?

Last week, in his "Idea Engineer", my friend and mentor Dr. Randin Brons wrote about the importance-wrongly- that people put on money. This week’s article builds on that thought.

The old adage- what comes first, the cart or the horse? - comes to mind.

I am reminded by fellow coach Phil Evans of the following truth. The most common 'theme' that I introduce to new clients when working in the Life Coaching realm, is the critical importance of being true to oneself!　 It's just so darned easy to get into doing everything for everybody else, but sadly neglecting that important person in the mirror.

Yep, too darned easy to put everybody else first; and eventually something will kick our butts as it tries to alert us of the need to look after that person also known as ME!

That something can often be health issues; depression; anger; sadness and moodiness; and a variety of other stuff.

We all need to be aware of the importance of looking after ourselves holistically: creating a healthy approach to our Mind/Body/Spirit balance and general well-being!　 All three aspects need to be in sync with who we are, and what we're doing, and where we're headed.

Very important note: This doesn't mean that any of us should suddenly give up doing good things for others; quite the opposite actually!　 It simply means to aim for a healthy balance in doing things for self AND others in a manner which still serves the inner-self and our own needs; and not just the needs of others. (Free daily balance checklist at www.hopeserenity.ca).

So here's the challenge: What's holding you back from making those important decisions for YOU; and then acting on them?　 Maybe it's time that you cut those strings that bind you to a job that you hate; a relationship that doesn't serve you; a health issue which has been left unattended; your financial situation; .... Or whatever it is that's testing you right now.

C'mon .... you can do it!
Yell out if you need some help!　 (I'll see you ... or hear you!)

TAKING PERSONAL RESPONSIBILITY

S...t happens; there is no doubt that this is true in my life and yours. We have no control over most things external to ourselves!

The external events of our lives are largely beyond our control. We do not choose our parents, our emotional environment, the historical period in which we live, our body type, or the flow of circumstances that shape our experience. These are givens. We do not select them, but we can choose how we will react to them, and in that choice lays our freedom and our responsibility.
Instead of complaining about the hand we've been dealt, we can concentrate on playing it well. This is the way we exercise our freedom. What might appear to be random chance can take on meaning and purpose as we delve for insight and use our deficiencies as opportunities for growth.
Our responsibility is to do the best we can with what we have where we are. And we don't do it alone. We have help in learning how best to respond. We have a support group, we have a Higher Power, and we have an inner guide if we will listen for direction.

Need some help in how to respond to deal with your response to "happenings" and "circumstances"? Give us a shout.
Today, I will remember that "the what" of my life is not as important as "the how."

HANDLING CHANGE

In the life I live and the work I do, it is apparent that many people have trouble with change. Yet change is as certain to happen as it is certain that to live, you will draw another breath.

BEING PRESENT

SOUL SICKNESS.GOT IT?

I, for one, can today readily admit I suffered from "Soul sickness" for a long period of time.

What is it you may ask?

To me, soul sickness symptoms are a revulsion against self and against the way we are living. Life became impossible, there was no joy. While I did not give suicide serious thought, I did know that if I did not change, I did not want to keep on living the way I was, I just couldn’t stand the joyless existence.

It was so easy to blame others and "circumstances" seemingly beyond my control for the life I was living. If you had the things going on in your life that I did, you’d use mood altering substances and behaviours to escape too! As K. Stanislavski was quoted as saying, "Anyone can blame; it takes a specialist to praise", and I had hit a point that was the furthest it could be from specialist.

So what happened?

Simply put I got sick and tired of being sick and tired, and from a source I did not understand back then, found the courage to change. I sought "outside" help; and this happened through a strange set of circumstances. But "outside" help led me to getting my life back.

This soul that was sick? I found it inside of me and found it had always been there, but that I had learned/chosen to ignore it. It was a small quiet voice inside that I learned, with help, to hear and respect. It was the "ME" that I know today I was meant to be.

Today I live without deep rooted soul sickness. I take full responsibility for me (not you) and my actions. I seek direction on a daily basis and try to live a "BALANCED" life (free checklist at

www.hopeserenity.ca. Today things are far from perfect, but I live daily with hope and serenity, gifts given to me by addressing my soul sickness.

There are many ways to get there. I know what has worked for me!

If you think you may be suffering from "soul sickness" and think you might want to make change, let’s talk freely about it.

What is your destiny?

YOU HAVE RIGHT NOW!

"Realize deeply that the present moment is all you ever have."

— Eckhart Tolle

I really like reading Eckhart Tolle and enjoy his concepts relating to spirituality. It was Tolle that presented duality to me in a form that made sense. Within me are two different people at work, one consciously, the other not!

The quote above is stating the obvious; but then, how often do we really think about the obvious.

I lived, and deal with too many others that have at least one foot firmly planted in the future and many others who dwell on the past. I’ve learned the hard way that this is not living the way life can be lived; joyously in the moment.

To learn to live in the "now" was not an easy process. To deal with my past, garbage and all took work and required the help of some very knowledgeable people. I am often reminded that my mind can easily slip back to the past. The only good the past provides is a history lesson to learn from.

I do plan for the future. Plan is the operative word. I believe that there will be a future and some preparation for it is required. But there is a huge difference between planning and living.

I do realize very deeply that the present moment is all I have, and at this present moment I am enjoying getting the thought’s and reminders brought about by Tolle’s quote from inside to outside. A trait that I have learned, I live as best as I can in the moment and with gratitude and it is this way of living I try to share with all who want it.

If you are not enjoying life and at times feel a sense of fear, resentment and the "little black cloud" over your head; if you regret your past and are not looking forward to tomorrows with positive anticipation, I’d welcome a chat with you! (www.hopeserenity.ca)

LOOKING FOR A MIRACLE?

EXPLORE YOUR FEARS

While we may not call it a miracle, many of us are looking for major changes in our lives; looking for good things to happen.

To me, the text book simple person’s definition of insanity is to repeat behaviour and expect different results. Funny, this seldom happens.

One of the major road blocks to change is fear. Many of us live in fear, consciously or unconsciously, on an ongoing basis.

Want the miracle to happen? My coaching mentor, Dr. Randin Brons, in his idea Engineer, suggests you "Explore Your Fears". Want to explore, get in touch with me. I can lead you to discovery.

Listening To Your Body

This weeks Idea Engineer from my coaching mentor Dr. Randin Brons served as a good reminder.

One of the things that have dramatically improved in my life through the process of life recovery is listening skills. Yes, I listen to others better with my ears, but every bit as importantly, I listen to me, including my body, far better and this is a key to keeping life in balance. Randin’s Idea Engineer:What is your body saying?"Many people treat their bodies as if they were rented from Hertz -- something they are using to get around in but nothing they genuinely care about understanding." -- Chungliang Al Huang

"As we explore the extraordinary interplay of energies between the many aspects of our personality -- our needs, unconscious reactions, repressed emotions, aspirations and fears -- with the functioning of our physical system and its capacity to maintain itself, we soon realize how very wise the body is. With its intricately detailed systems and operations it portrays infinite intelligence and compassion, constantly giving us the means to understand ourselves further, to confront issues we are not looking at, and to go beyond that which is holding us back." -- Deb Shapiro, Your Body Speaks Your Mind

Please leave your thoughts on this here or at www.hopeserenity.ca. I will answer any questions.

Scan your body with your awareness. Are you experiencing any aches and pains? Any stiffness?

What might your body be trying to tell you about how you are living your life?

"Your body is the ground and metaphor of your life, the expression of your existence. It is your Bible, your encyclopedia, your life story. Everything that happens to you is stored and reflected in your body. In the marriage of flesh and spirit divorce is impossible." -- Gabrielle Roth

"What is always speaking silently is the body." -- Norman Brown

Interesting way to look at things, and how very true. There was a time I treated my body as something rented from Hertz, and failed to hear the messages that were there. I paid a price and in some ways, still am. Today I try to treat flesh and spirit as one. I have only one body and in it is stored my history, and if I look in the right places, the keys to the life I want. The body speaks silently (as does that voice inside), it is my job to listen quietly to the message and act appropriately.Most of us are trying to recover a better way of living. Listening to your body is a learned skill. Are you paying attention?Keith Bray BA,CALC

DO YOU LIMIT YOU?

For many years, I know now, in my case the simple answer to the above question was yes.

In a more detailed thought process tells me that there were areas and occasions where I didn’t limit my own progress, but these were a minority. And when it came to limitations caused by a lack of self-esteem and self-love, but the time I was in my thirties, I placed huge limitations on my self.

Quite straight forward, you can’t give freely to others what you haven’t got for yourself, and I am shocked at how my lack of self-esteem and self-love negatively impacted my joy of life and cheated me out of relationships that could have been much richer and meaningful. Are you cheating yourself?

To a large extent, the way we think determines who we are and what happens to us.

We cannot harbour poisonous thoughts without their effects visibly showing in our lives. If we dwell on our inadequacy and ineffectiveness, for example, circumstances will prove us correct because we will invite self-defeating events to us.
On the other hand, replacing destructive thoughts with hope-filled, optimistic ones brings peaceful and confidence-producing circumstances to us. We will radiate competence and joy.

Over the past 16 years I have been on a journey to appreciate myself and be a positive influence to those I touch. I restate this is a journey and has no destination; it is a process of life recovery co-created by a power greater than myself and with the human help of many. It is a journey that has led to my not being my greatest limiting factor, but becoming a person who sees the possibilities. It is a spiritual wakening; a radical change in my attitude and for that I am grateful.

If you can relate to where I was and want to take the journey, please feel free to contact me through this posting or at www.hopeserenity.ca.

LESSONS FROM POPEYE

I’ve spent many years loving Popeye the Sailor and the lessons he has taught me! One, of course, is to eat your spinach; but that is not the great one. Popeye is my favourite philosopher. It took me many years to learn his simple philosophy, "I is what I is and that’s all that I is". Think on that one a while as your saying "This guy is nuts!" By the way, I am that too.

I spent too many years trying to be what other people thought I should be and not being who I really was. This "actor on a stage" life led me to a lot of places I didn’t want to go. It led me to trying to escape the false person who I had become. It took me to a very low spot in life, a spot I now call bottom. It helped make me sick and tired of being sick and tired. I lived irritable, restless and discontent. I wanted pleasure and I wanted it now.

Today, I know that that is not who I am and not who I was meant to be. I became what others wanted and acted how they expected. I played a role I was never comfortable in and when you’re not comfortable in your own skin, life is not a joy! Can you relate?

Today, I have accepted Popeye’s philosophy. To accept that I am what I am and that is just perfect for me has been a journey. Along the journey, I’ve had a lot of help and support. I have found and worked with people who have actually LISTENED to what I was saying and feeling, and have conscious contact on a daily basis as a result of this help with a power far greater than me. I’m thankful daily that I found this power within me and around me. From Hazelden:

"

THINK YOUR TOUGH?

Real Tough People Show Feelings

Alex Karras was a hard nosed football player. In his day, if you looked up "tough" in a dictionary you might have found his picture. Alex on "tough":

We realize in the process of life recovery that those are silly and immature myths, even though we see them repeatedly on TV, on billboards, and in newspapers.
When we are told these things repeatedly, it makes an impact on us. We need to learn from others other that this is not the way we wish to live. We don't admire these attitudes, and we don't believe the stories. Truly courageous men (and women) know themselves. They have been around enough to have depth to their souls, to let themselves love, and to feel the pain of life. They know how to truly feel and externalize feelings.

I don’t know how many people who have told me how tough they are and stuff their feelings inside or even more sadly, can’t even identify feelings, crack big time. Is that being tough? Are they tough or "sick"? Toughness, as Karras states, is soul and spirit and a mature mind.

As a former jock and "tough" guy who always kept the stiff upper lip, I’m glad this recovery thing has taught me about feelings and has given me tools to deal with them in a healthy way. My wife tells me I now show a "feminine" side and times. Please don’t ever tell her, but I like it!

Want to talk about this or other issues. I’m here!
 

WHO AM I MEANT TO BE?

This is a question many ask themselves, particularly at cross roads periods of their life.

It is something that gets answered in the coaching process and coaching takes it one step further- and how do I get there.

Many of us love quizzes, particularly those that give us instant results. Many have a great data base behind them that make the results have a fair degree of accuracy.

Below is a link to a quiz Oprah recently broadcast and for those wondering "Who Am I Meant To Be?’ you'll find it interesting and the results somewhat insightful.

Enjoy!

http://www.oprah.com/spirit/Who-Am-I-Meant-to-Be

WHO AM I MEANT TO BE?

This is a question many ask themselves, particularly at cross roads periods of their life.

It is something that gets answered in the coaching process and coaching takes it one step further- and how do I get there.

Many of us love quizzes, particularly those that give us instant results. Many have a great data base behind them that make the results have a fair degree of accuracy.

Below is a link to a quiz Oprah recently broadcast and for those wondering "Who Am I Meant To Be?’ you'll find it interesting and the results somewhat insightful.

Enjoy!

http://www.oprah.com/spirit/Who-Am-I-Meant-to-Be

ARE YOU SELF-AWARE?

Here we are on a Monday and another great question from my coaching mentor Dr. Randin Brons and his Idea Engineer.

If your not aware of it, coaching is all about the coach asking great questions and "leading", not telling, the client the answers. Deep inside, most of us have answers to the tough questions, we just don’t know how and where to look.

Are you self-aware? If not, how do you know where you’re at and where you’re going? From Randin:

ON MY MIND

Ever get a day when things are going on in your head and you just want to get them outside of you? For me, today is one of those days.

I hate negativity and destructive criticism. I can remember the days when I was probably guilty on a regular basis of these attributes. I remember the day when the thought came into my head that if you were to look at the world through an anis, all you would see was excrement (I don’t think those were quite the words, but today I’m more genteel)! While being along way from perfect today, I think others see me, and more importantly inside of me I feel, positive and willing to make an action orientated attempt to improve things for the better.

A process called life recovery and the discovery (no lets call it a renewed awareness) of a power far greater than me that has always dwelt within has changed my attitude towards life. I am humbled by the change and grateful.

I honestly spend as much effort as I can in doing the next right thing and am thrilled to be making progress always mindful perfection isn’t necessary.

I am a member of a 12 step group and do my thing there as best I can and in keeping with the group’s traditions. I do community volunteer work trying to use the business experiences I’ve had, particularly utilising success I’ve been a part of, to simply improve things for the "common good" of those I serve. I coach people as a "vocation" and as a passion, and have been consulting independently for 20 years and have paid the bills and raised a family. So this life recovery thing has been good for me and funny, it has been good for many I have worked with. It is nice to have some things to feel grateful about and even better when your passion and experience can be tied in to your vocation.

Today I am pissed, and it is my feeling and genuine.

You work hard at things and do the best you can. You do it for the right reasons and lately, it seems, all you get is negative blowback….well that’s a bit of an exaggeration. But more negativity than I can handle today.

It would appear that too many people have too much time on their hands, and make a decision to put it to negative use. So if you are how you act, and you act like anis, what will your view of things be like!

This blogging journaling thing is one of the tools I was taught to use to make sure my insides and outside matched in a good way. Some will relate to this ramble, some won’t. I feel better already. I do put my web site in my blogs for a reason- there are some people who get positive help from some of the things I write, and get in touch; so no apologies. Let’s see if we can focus a bit more on the positives today, and be a little less judgemental of others! (www.hopeserenity.ca)

WALK. DON'T RUN

Another reading reminded me of the title of one of those great old songs from my past- "Walk. Don’t Run". Who did that one? The Ventures

I certainly remember when I finally accepted that my life needed major change, and found the courage to go out and get the help I needed to identify the path to change. I remember hearing from a respected Doctor Psychologist friend that the 12 steps were a great model for good mental hygiene.

I was, and I guess instinctively still am, a person who when he wants it, he wants it now. I approached life recovery with a vengeance; if we're going to do it, let's get it done. Easy to say patience was not one of my virtues. I learned the hard way, I had to trudge the road of recovery and be thorough in what I was doing. Change required big change on my part and it had taken me 46 years of living to get into the bad place I was in. This quote from "Experience, Strength and Hope" rings very true to me.

THE SECRET ABOUT SECRETS

"Nothing makes us so lonely as our secrets.

Paul Tournier is arguably the world’s most spiritual physician. A Swiss doctor, his practise has impacted people world wide.

If a renowned person like Dr. Tournier appreciates the power of secrets; the huge negative impact they have on out life, why do we so often insist on keeping secrets.

The secret about secrets is that they can destroy your happiness and peace of mind. An amusing thing about secrets; often all around you know what you think is the best kept secret in town. The only one who thinks it is a secret is you!

Case in point.

A person I have worked with for a long time is a well known Doctor who had a thriving speciality practise in a close knit, but sizable community. His secret- he drank to excess. When he approached me for help with his secret drinking life, he swore me to secrecy.

We’re out for lunch one day and another Doctor I knew happened to be there. The two docs did not know each other. Doctor number two comes up, says Hi and asks if he can speak to me privately. We do that. Doc2 asks me if I know I’m having lunch with the biggest drunk in town. I smile and do not confirm but return to lunch with Doc1. I tell him what has just transpired and he is floored! He came to learn that his secret was the worst kept secret in town.

I must admit, pre life recovery I had a few of those secrets, and while I knew a ton of people, I was constantly lonely.

I have come to learn over the past decade and a half that keeping MY secrets was really about keeping them from me. No surprise, there were some realities of life I was in denial about and in trying to be secretive, I helped create a self -fulfilling prophecy- I was as sick as my secrets and as Tournier points out- my secrets kept me lonely.

Part of getting my life back was getting my secrets outside of me including on paper. Next was accepting them as truth. Then came finding someone I trusted and sharing those secrets. As was the case of my Doc1 friend, as the secrets came out into the open, I found out several were only a secret to me. Getting them out in the open allowed me to move forward towards the life I was meant to live.

So there you have it. The secret about secrets.

Got some that are driving a wedge into your life? Go get the help you need to unburden yourself and get ready to make a positive move forward!

ACCEPTING ME? WHY?

In my life and in the work I do, I have met so many great people. Why is it that so many of us can't accept the great person we are and go through life feeling less than, not worthy and have a low opinion of ourselves?

Often I ask clients if they will loan me a sum of money well beyond there means. There is usually a pause, and then the clients say no. Why, I ask. Normally the response is that they haven't got it.

So how can I give to others what I haven't got for myself? How can I give you (or anyone) real love when I don't know what it is because I don't have it for me? This should get you thinking! How can I accept you for who you really are when I don't accept me? While I will focus on "self acceptance", it applies to so many areas of our lives.

I was shocked those years ago when it became apparent that I didn't accept the good in me and the truly good person I was. (I had no love for myself and did not truly know what "intimacy" was except that it was a word).

Today I accept myself so that I may accept others.

I seek to be in unity with the world around me. I desire to live in harmony with the people in my life.

GETTING HELP-THE BARGAIN OF A LIFETIME

www.spiritualriver.com. While his focus is on addictions, anyone suffering from living issues, depression, general unhappiness, constant restlessness and frequent feelings of discontent should be able to relate to where Patrick is coming from, and for that matter, where I am coming from. Patrick and I have exchanged frequent ideas and at one time partnered, and we believe very similar principals as to the holistic approach one should consider when creatively recovering a great life YOU were meant to lead.www.hope-serenity.com, where it is published in full.10 Reasons Why Addiction Treatment is the Bargain of a Lifetime

Posted: 16 Mar 2010 09:47 AM PDT

Some people believe that addiction treatment is rather expensive. They might even be outraged that addiction treatment services could possibly cost so much money, and not understand why the success rates are not higher than what they are.

But

This article from Patrick on the bargains of treatment is extremely long. I am printing but a small portion. If it gets your attention, I invite you to go to my web site,

Looking for bargains and living a troubled life, then look no farther!

WANT PEACE OF MIND?

About 16 years ago; regular peace of mind was not something I was blessed with, and I missed it. The term "sleep like a baby was" was not one I could relate to although I could remember doing so in my distant past. My mind was constantly at work and jumped from idea to idea non-stop and at night, some common themes kept racing. Most of the thoughts were negative and those that were not were grandiose. Constant mind chatter and clutter. I was creating a dark "Disneyworld" and beginning to live there, and was turning more and more to destructive habits and actions to allow me to escape the bad neighborhood that was inside my head. Trouble was, when I sobered up or quit acting out, the things I was escaping were still there, and often had become even worse through the escape actions I had taken. Can you relate, or see this happening on an increasing basis in your life? Are you experiencing depression because of stress and/or the things you do to escape it? Have you lost a large amount of respect for yourself and are you starting to feel "less than" or like a doormat? If you can relate, you are not alone! BUT THERE IS HOPE!!!!

AN APPROACH TO TODAY

Once again, along comes my coaching mentor Dr. Randin Brons with another Idea Engineer. Thought provoking.

Couple this approach with the question you should ask each day about actions you are contemplating –"How important is it?"- and your days may become a pleasant dance with more balance than you thought possible!

A reminder, if you want to improve your daily balance I offer a free checklist for balance at www.hopeserenity.ca.

I love to "dance through my days" and sometimes it is a tango. One of the joys of my life is working with others in what I guess could be considered a life dance lesson. I’m grateful for the teachers I had! Life is for living and laughing!!

SLIP SLIDING AWAY

I remember this song so well, and it had a whole new meaning to me.

I have seen too many lives just "slip sliding away.

Although the context I will reference has to do with addictions, it relates as appropriately to any major life change a person makes. As an example, I have seen people who have spent a lot of time and money on weight loss just let their progress slip slide away.

"Slips", in my opinion, are a planned action. They don't just happen. If you’re not in tune with your internal thought process, they can, to your conscious mind, just happen but in the subconscious the slip is premeditated.Day by Day - Second Edition by Anonymous

There are many ways to safe guard against going dramatically backwards and it is something I address in depth with those I work with. This like getting over any denial and 100% acceptance, living a holistically balance life, enjoying reasonable self-esteem- all these things and more insure regression doesn't take place.

While you may not specifically have an addiction problem, you will likely relate to this passage as easily as the addicted:

Slipping

A common rationalization about not making the program goes like this: "Harry over there slipped ten times before he made it. So what if I slip a few times?"
What is overlooked is that the last time Jack slipped, he slipped into a coffin; the last time Bob slipped, his baby son burned to death in a crib because of Bob's negligence, the last time Ann slipped, she got strychnine poisoning and became blind; and the last time Jim slipped, he tried to kill his wife and nearly did.
We're not playing games here. This is a matter of life and death.
Have I stopped slipping?
Higher Power, let me know that it is not only my life but the lives of others that I endanger by playing loaded games.

Would you point a revolver with one bullet in it at your head and pull the trigger?

I certainly don't mean to be dramatic, but achieving the place you want to be in your life is a serious business, and not being serious about change can be fatal. I've been to the funerals (and not just of addicted people) to know it to be true.

I hope this gives a few people who read this something to think about. Don't let your life go "Slip Sliding Away". If you’re interested in this subject and discussion, let's talk!

Remember your spiritual side

Just back from a great vacation in Dothan, Alabama. If you are a golfer and looking for great value, I'd highly recommend the Dothan National.

Every time I travel, I am reminded how important a spiritual life is to my enjoyment of life. While I personally don't darken the doors of too many churches, I've enjoyed a week or so away where concious contact with a Higher Power I have come to know was at a very high level. Today in going through my email, I was pleased to get the following from my coaching mentor, Dr. Randin Brons.

I hope it gives you something to ponder!

HUMILITY: TOUGH CONCEPT

Every time I get a good reading focused around humility, it causes me to reflect back.

I can remember back to the time when I was sure humility had something to do with humiliation, and gosh knows that my life style had caused enough of that. I was not openly boastful and naturally thought I was a humble man. But give me a compliment, even the most sincerest of compliments and watch how I fumbled. It seemed like the simple response "Thank You" never crossed my mind; I always had a self-defacing response.

A good reminder from a good book:

Humility

Perpetual quietness of heart. It is to have no trouble.

It is never to be fretted or vexed, irritable or sore;

It is to be at rest when nobody praises me, and when I am blamed or despised,

to wonder at nothing that is doneagainst me. it is to have a blessed home in myself where I can go and shut the door and kneel to my Father in secret and be at peace, as in a deep sea of calmness, when all around and about is seeming trouble.
- Dr. Bob and the Good Oldtimers,p.222

Thought to Ponder . .

Humility is not a station we arrive at; it's a way of traveling.
I marvel constantly at the changes that have occurred within me during the journey of recovery and I know there are more to come. It is a wonderful thing that I have been taught, to have a blessed home in myself where I can be at peace.

With that being said, I'm grateful to have the opportunity to be heading for Dothan Alabama for a week or so of golf and fellowship! My HP is going with me, and I will be away from my office until about March 9. We all need a break to help maintain balance.

Have YOU Got Personal Strength?(God Thing)

I ask this question for a reason. I am very interested in hearing honest and open answers from other. I am particularly interested in hearing from those who can respond without giving away a particular religious bias.

For many years I have known that strength to change and to do the right thing consistently came from a source other than me. My inconsistencies in life had proven to me although I may be blessed with reasonable intellect, I was not given the power to control people, places and things; try as I might.

Through a conversation with a deeply spiritual person (at a point where I was at a low), I was reminded that there was a power greater than me that could and would help if sought, all I had to do was be conscious of it, to connect. This source could restore Good Orderly Direction to my life.

Something inside registered, and from that point on, my life changed. I was not alone in running the show; I was reconnected to a source of help/strength. I’ve never tried to call it anything, life experience has proved to me that it’s real and works if I stay out of the way. I was given a "gift" that day that gave me great personal strength and things like hope, serenity, fitful sleep, renewed self-esteem and confidence, answers "out of the blue" to things I found baffling, an ability to love and give unselfishly, humility, and I could go on. The amazing thing to me is that was there right along, I just needed help to find it and recognize it.

Shortly there after, I was reacquainted with a great piece of prose-"Footprints in the Sand" -that helped me to understand what had happened. For those not familiar, click

www.llerrah.com/footprints.htm

I certainly will never be called religious. I do not knock anyones beliefs or religion as long as they get benefit from them. I do however hate to see others push their own beliefs on people as the only way to connect with "Good Orderly Direction".Each of us must find a source of personal strength that is meaningful to us.

For me, without finding this source, my life lacked real purposeand true happiness.

Recently, after working with a client and helping him in his own search for a power greater than himself, he felt that he could draw strength from "Simple Logic", a logic that was spoken to him by a quiet voice deep within him. From there he has started to develop a spiritual path in his life. For all, once started, it evolves!

Funny, I posted a blog about this discovery that helped this individual with the hope it may help some who were struggling.

On one of my favourite sites, this topic digressed into a religious right and wrong very heated argument, name calling and I’m more righteous than you type thing. Reminds me why I left a particular religion, and why I have no compulsion to join one currently. I do know that this is the type of thing that makes it so tough for those seeking but scarred, truly skeptical, to find their own source of personal stregth!

I am truly intersted in learning where others draw their personal stregth from, and I hope you will share. It may well help others and it will broaden my horizons!

Principles, Not Personalities

Since starting the process of life recovery many years ago, the thinking and acting on "Principles, Not Personalities" has been possibly the most important lesson I have learned in human relations.

Today I do have abiding principles I try to live by. As they relate to dealing with others, they can likely be summed up by the tried and true "Golden Rule".

For a period of time in my life, occasionally I’d do on to others before they did it to me. I found that there were many people I couldn’t stand and honestly wished them no good in their lives. I was taught to keep your friends close and your enemies closer. It made human relations tough.

In your dealings with people today, can you relate to any of that type of thinking?

In one of the sites I participate in, I posted an article entitled "Simple Logic" hoping to share some thoughts with people who were struggling to find a power greater than themselves in their life. I am shocked at how far off topic the comments digressed, and how people got into personal assignations about others with total disregard for the principles of the site. A reminder about the importance of putting principles before personalities.

Among the things that are a part of the process of life recovery for me is attendance at group meetings- a "Fellowship" of men and women. Upon first attending I knew there were people in the group I just didn’t like and the feeling was likely mutual. Yet we all shared a common purpose, and over time I have learned that not liking is OK, but I must love all and treat them as I would like to be treated. The following is a good reminder from Daily Reflections:

The reality was that I couldn't possibly like everyone, nor they me.

As I've grown in the Fellowship, I've learned to love everyone

just from listening to what they　had to say.

I must always remember to place principles before personalities.　
 

As I’ve learned to listen with an open mind, there is seldom a person I can’t learn something from, and this is true I with life in general. To put principles before personalities is a living skill I’ve learned through the help of others and its application is progress. I have not yet reached perfection but will march on!

Today, my human relations skills are the best the have been in my life due to a focus on my principles.

Thought to Ponder . . .

PERSISTENCE-Have You Got It?

Nothing in this world comes without effort and often repeated effort over extended periods of time.

Today, I received a reading from Hazelden that says it much better than I could, and with great support quotes!

--Zig Ziglar

"Consider these words of Calvin Coolidge: "Nothing in the world can take the place of persistence. Talent will not; nothing is more common than unsuccessful men with talent. Genius will not; unrewarded genius is almost a proverb. Education will not; the world is filled with educated derelicts. Persistence and determination are alone omnipotent. 'Press on!' has been and always will be the answer to every human problem."

Coolidge was right. In the successful pursuit of a vision, persistence always makes the difference. Colonel Sanders approached 1,094 restaurants before he found someone who would try his recipe for fried chicken. Thomas Edison made over 2,000 attempts before he invented the light bulb. Abraham Lincoln failed in two businesses and lost five elections before he became president.

The ability to persevere in the face of adversity takes a special kind of faith. It's easy to get discouraged when obstacles appear. If you are in such a situation, know that time is on your side. Time plus sustained effort always produce results. After waiting 33 years to win the world championship, a coach was asked, "Was it worth the wait?" "Absolutely," he replied. "In fact, the long delay actually made the victory sweeter.""

As my pre-recovery life unfolded, starting as a teen, I don’t know how many false starts I made at recovering the life that inside I knew I was meant to live. I knew I had talent, I knew I was intelligent and I was educated. These things were not enough as pointed out in the Coolidge quote. Thank goodness I got the mentoring and support I needed to finally take dramatic action and "press on".

I waited the best part of 46 years to get the life I was meant to live and as the coach said, the delay makes the results even sweeter!

Hopefully this blog provokes some thoughts and feelings in a few of you; maybe a light goes on. I look forward to your comments and even personal contact!

BEING ASSERTIVE-Daily Practice

I had to use a daily check list for about 10 years to help bring "balance" into my life. Balanced living did not come easy to me. I offer the checklist as a free download on my web site (www.hopeserenity.ca) and invite anyone who has a problem understanding and executing "daily balanced living" to download a copy.

One of the things I had to learn was to be assertive each day. As a "people pleaser", this wasn't something I did regularly and with low self-esteem and poor self-confidence I would either roll over or fight like crazy exposing my own insecurities.

Assertiveness does not mean aggressive or offensive. I offer this article to you as something to consider in your daily living. I hope it is of help and provides a tool to some of you who read it.

WHAT DO YOU FEED?

I am truly blessed. I have had the privilege of meeting and learning from so many wise and interesting people. Those I am meeting in this phase of my life continue to enrich me.

It is safe to say that these people (and I invite you to be one of them) keep me in a mode of growth, thinking and progress. Hard to get complacent when you are challenged!

Today I got something from a fellow coach in Australia, Phil Evans. It is much in keeping with a book written by a very close friend of mine, Paul McCabe called "Feed the Good Dog". With prejudice, a read I recommend to anyone who wants to move forward with their life.

I have known for a long time that there is two of me at work at all times. I call this duality. I catch this being personally acknowledged when I do something off base and say "I’m mad at myself" for doing that or "What made me do that?" I acknowledge things at play internally.

So here’s Phil’s quote:

"Two Wolves

I know; you’ve heard this before. But have you really thought about it?

Look back to the tale at the qualities of the evil one. Do they play a large role in your life? Too large a role for you? I fed the "bad" dog for many years and over time it continued to grow at the expense of the "good" dog.

So what do you feed today? Think deeply and be honest with yourself.

Would you like to learn how to "Feed the Good Dog"? I look forward to your comments and if you have questions that this article provokes, let me know and let me know how to get in touch.

POLITICAL CORRECTNESS

What a great term "political correctness" is. It is something that I know a lot of people try to exhibit in their lives, and in the business world I think it fits right in there with another great way of doing things referred to as "optics".

khbray@hopeserenity.ca and let’s talk freely!

GENEROSITY and RECEIVING

This is not a topic I’ve thought about for along time.

In working with others today (and I remember when I was the same), I often ask them at how they are when they receive a compliment.

Many handle compliments very poorly. They don’t know how to say a gracious and humble plain "Thank You", but babble and spot about how it was nothing, feel uncomfortable inside and some even wonder what the other person wants. If these situations fit you today, we should talk. There is an issue.

Many we know give generously and freely, but cannot accept gifts in return. My reading said:

UNDERSTAND HUMILITY

When I first started out on this journey of life recovery, I kept hearing that I needed to be humble. My clouded thinking somehow confused or intertwined humble and humility with humiliation. I can tell you, I was tired of humiliation!! Are you there yet?

Today Hazelden put out a very good read that I want to share. It gives a very good perspective!

I LOVE UNCERTAINTY

The quest for certainty blocks the search for meaning. Uncertainty is the very condition to impel man to unfold his powers.

~ Erich Fromm ~

There was a day I sought out certainty. It well could have been certainty that helped address my deep seated insecurities. Certainty in employment, certainty in relationships, certainty in investments and so on.

Can you relate?

As Fromm so aptly points out, in always seeking certainty, I closed my mind to possibilities, and overlooked some great possibilities because they were not a sure thing. A closed mind limited my personal power because it kept me from looking for true meaning in my life. Some of the certainties I used were just for escaping realities and feelings.

Today, having a measure of uncertainty in love is the door to the future, it is a power that allows me to continue to grow and I embrace it!
 

I just received a heads up from my friend Patrick at www.spititualriver.com about an article with this title. I read it, will post it in its entirety on my web site (www.hopeserenity.ca) and will paraphrase it here. Whoa to the few who say there he goes promoting, the site is there for those who have an interest in reading an interesting article that is too long to post here.

I keep hearing, and it is true, that the word free will snap people out of even a hypnotic state. Look at what we see on the internet and you’ll know what I’m saying!

Yet do we get things for free or is the word one that takes us captive?

I will state, I have honestly got one thing in my life for free. A power and new life given to me freely through a higher power some chose to call God. No strings attached free.

Many other things I got for free, I treated like they were worth what I paid for them. An oft time, what I have received for free has or is perceived to have little value; and I’m not unique.. I am truly grateful for the one gift I have been given for free, a relationship with a higher power that is always there for me IF I listen!

To me, life is not about price, it’s about value. I am prepared to pay a fair price for things that are of value to me. For my "free" fellowship I paid a horrific price, but I have certainly received great value. I paid for an education, but it has great value! Things are not about price, they are about results. If I pay, I want a payback!

When I pay for something, I usually give it focus. I want my money’s worth out of it, and in most cases do what I have to do to get value and the desired results. I have found a way to get the money I have needed to pay for expertise when I’ve needed it. Funny, I’ve invested in me to get results and have done so without regret. I remember how I could find money to support destructive behaviour. I feel good to be able to invest in constructive remedies!

Pay is not just money. It may well be things like time, effort and action. Most fail when they do not invest time effort and action to get the results they truly want!

The closing line of the article says it all. "If you value other things, honour them and commit the necessary focus, time and money investment-you value yourself."

Take a look at the complete article. It offers a perspective!

And Who Heals Me?

Over a year ago, I went on a journey to look at some real fuzzy philosophical questions. "Who Am I?"was dealt with years ago, but "What Is My Purpose?" remained vague.

I went on a real journey to discover what it is about past employment that I loved and was good at, and what did I really want to do with the balance of my working life.

I am not cut out for a "job" job, and love helping others and seeing growth, one person at a time.

I found out from examination and from others that I had been coaching and mentoring for years, had helped many, and have passion for those affected by addiction and those with a desire to transform their life. It’s something I do as a natural part of who I am.

I have no desire to be a therapist, but found I loved coaching. From my sports background, I could relate exactly to the difference a great coach makes to individual goal setting and achievement. The same techniques used by athletic coaches’ work with every facet of life. We all have strengths that can be better used. It is my passion to bring these strengths out in others.

I have gone forth, taken education, read and studied, done a lot of "free" coaching, and have been blessed with a practice that is starting to get traction. I might even break even one day. Further, I have stayed very active in helping others who are struggling with addiction and will go to group sessions. It is important to maintain a "service" component in my life. I am a well qualified coach today.

My coaching clients are people who want to deal very privately with issues and have the means and willingness to pay for a coach. My primary job is to listen and ask questions and give feedback! In many cases, people pay more attention and take more responsibility when they "hire" an expert. Go figure! They are willing to be held accountable for what they undertake. I listen to them intently, and am trained to ask great questions.

Lately I have been dealing with my own "life" issues, and with all that I know and all that I have done, I am constantly reminded about how human I am.

In working with a client this morning on motivational challenges he faces, and listening intently, it struck me how similar some of the challenges he is facing to those I currently face! I actually heard myself.

In working with another client this afternoon, I am reminded that living a great and abundant balanced life is work in progress, and that I will never realize perfection. I am also reminded that the issues I faced three weeks or a month ago are gone; replaced by the issues of today.

I do feels the ups and downs of life, and I think because of the work I do and the person that I am, I have very high expectations for me!

I have a more complete toolkit to deal with issues than most of the people I work with. I have had several coaches in my life, have continuous conversations with coaches and other professionals, and can be pretty open and honest about my feelings. I have tools, but at times can be guilty of not using them properly and getting down!

When I’m like this, who heals me?

I have a great relationship with the higher power that has always dwelt within me and is a part of all that is in the universe. I am on a journey of spiritual (not religious) growth, and have to remember to stop and seek help and guidance on a regular basis. I have been given tools, and through conscious contact and some wonderful people I talk with, I can recognize what is going on with me, and realize that as bad as things seem (and this is relative to my expectations), I can deal with the cards I have been dealt.

But the real answer to my own question; it is you that heals me, people outside of myself, and sometimes totally anonymous.

On a daily basis I get feedback, and love it. People generally are caring and try to be positive.

In living my life purpose, there are challenges. As most who have tried know, building a business, even if you’re passionate about it, is not easy. The collective "you" are the source of inspiration, and I certainly get a piece of "the message" from many.

I have been blessed by people who do give feedback, and by many who refer others to me. I am in the gratitude mode constantly for this. I openly ask for your help to allow me to do more of what I do well.

Thanks for healing me, and thanks for the trust you place in me.

Now, who heals you? Do you allow healing to happen?

MORE-THAT FIRST STEP (forgiveness)
As usual, my coaching mentor, Dr. Randin Brons has hit a very good topic with this week's Idea Engineer.
Recently I did a blog on that first step that sparked very good response. Response indicates that it caused some thought, and I love to do that internally and spark it in others.
Randin talks about a first step to forgiveness, and his words are in keeping with I try to live and coach others in. This week says:
The first step to forgiveness

"To get to forgiveness, we first have to work through the painful experiences that require it." -- Christiane Northrup

"To forgive, we do not have to say that whatever happened was okay. In fact, before we can forgive, we need to allow ourselves to really feel the pain of the experience. If we don't fully acknowledge our hurts, we will continue to carry them subconsciously and they will drain our energy.

To forgive, we need to decide that we won't allow the memories of the event to poison us any longer. We're ready to heal this wound from the past and open to a fresh new beginning.
The blessing is that when we're really ready to experience our pain and we open to it, it usually fades away. By honouring our pain, we release it."

"We must let ourselves feel all the painful destruction we want to forgive rather than swallow it in denial. If we do not face it, we cannot choose to forgive it." -- Kenneth McNoll

A thing all must remember-we don't have to say all was OK; we don't have to be door mats. We are right to feel, but that being said, we have to let go. We don’t have to let bad experiences occupy the valuable space in our heads like tenants who don't pay rent! Honour the pain, then release it; use the head space for something constructive!! Get ready for new beginnings every day.
Have some thoughts about this. Please share them for the benefit of all.
You are also strongly invite to visit our web site at www.hopeserenity.ca and view the changes and get involved. The thought you post may make a huge difference to someone struggling with life issues.

 

WHY DO I HAVE BAD HABITS?
An interesting question, one I used to dwell on. Martha Beck has a simple answer.
 “Bad habits fill needs, so find good alternatives for them.”
Which might lead one to ask, what needs are filled by bad habits?
For me, I developed bad habits to escape a life I was unhappy with. A life heavy on emotional pain, insecurities, low self-esteem, feeling sick and tired constantly, anger, resentments. I developed bad habits as coping methods to escape a life that I was not happy in.
Let’s reverse this.
Why do I have good living habits today?
Applying Beck’s logic, my needs are met.
While this is not 100% the case, it is for the most part true. Many of the habits that I considered “bad” are gone today because I found a balanced way of living and a model for good mental hygiene. It did not come easy and came with a lot of help from some expert sources.
Want to get rid of those bad habits and find a healthy way to insure your basic needs are met?
Interested in looking at ways of addressing bad habits? Leave your comments here or feel free to contact me through www.coached-to-success.com.